We have experienced some institutionalized behavior from Mya and its sooooo hard for us to handle and to think that she has had to live that life for 2 years when she has really deserved a family. Yesterday at KFC, we thought it was so cute that she took her napkin and wiped her own mouth and then wiped our mouths. We realized today, that this is not normal behavior for a 2 year old and that she has had to wipe her own mouth. Also, when we were putting her to bed last night, she rocked herself, like she has had to “rock” herself to sleep every night, when really someone, her mommy should have been the one rocking her to sleep. This is a very emotional blog entry for me to write. The kids asked Josh this morning at breakfast, why is Mom crying again?? Josh proceeded to them that it is very hard to fathom the life that she has had to live. So, we were breaking off pieces of food and she was feeding herself, but I am not doing that anymore, I am her Mommy and I am going to feed her and I am going to do everything else for her too!! That is if she let me..right now, she is struggling with us doing things for her and that is extremely hard. Josh and I just look at each other and can’t believe that some things that we ready in our required reading are actual coming to life in our story as well. This morning on a tour of the 1000 year University, Mya wanted to go to our Chinese guide. This was an AWUFUL feeling for me, but yet I know that this is normal but it saddens me because this is a definite sign of an attachment problem. Not a problem that we can never overcome, but as of right now, that shows us she is not doing as well as we thought she would as far as attaching to us. And, I know, that our guide looks like what she is used to but it doesn’t make it any easier.
Also, this morning, Mya wanted her Daddy instead of me and that tore me up! She also wasn’t the same kid that we had the last couple of days. She was really quiet and just wanted daddy, not me and not the other kids. She wasn’t herself on the tour either, so I was worried what today was going to bring for us. We went back to the hotel after our trip to Wal-Mart, which was fun, and Mya got down and was very comfy in her surroundings and with us and really got down on the floor and was wrestling with the kids and it was a fantastic time!!!!! We prayed when we got up that God would have His hand on us and Mya and He sure has, Mya is really doing SUPER this afternoon and I give God all the praise for that!!!!
We are so blessed!!! There aren’t even words to describe the feelings that our family has for this child. She immediately felt like our child and never once felt like she didn’t belong! I want to encourage anyone who may be on the fence about adoption, that God has commanded us to take care of and love the Fatherless and what an amazing feeling to do so!!!!!! Again, we feel very privileged to parent one of Gods orphaned children! What a perfect fit for the Clayton family!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Having a lot of trouble downloading any pictures to this entry, will try the next one!
God Bless!! Mindy
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